Counsellor Burnout: Signs You’re Running on Empty and How to Support Yourself

You hold space for everybody else, your clients, your family, the friend who keeps texting just for a quick chat, but it turns into a long and complex drama about their life. But when was the last time that you had the space to breathe or a cup of tea that was still hot? Today we're gonna talk about what it looks like when you are still showing up.

You are still functioning, you are still remembering birthdays and sending replies, but underneath you are running on empty. I share a personal moment from when I was burned out, even though nobody would've guessed it, and what I've learned to watch for in myself since. So if you are a counsellor who's feeling tired in a way that even an early night and an overpriced candle can't fix, this is for you.

So hi, and welcome to the Grow Your Private Practice Show. I'm Jane Travis, and if you are a counsellor looking for support, encouragement, and practical help to grow your practice, then you are in the right place.

So, hello, hello, hello and welcome back and if it's your first time here, it's just great to have you along.

Hope you having a good day so far. So I am just gonna talk a little bit about myself for a moment, if you don't mind. Now. I have always loved this work. I've always loved it. You know, I love writing, I love supporting counsellors. I love being there for people. I'm a bit of a people pleaser, so of course I do.

But during lockdown, something shifted and I felt I had to show up. Even more so I did extra training. I put together extra resources, and I started something called the Kitchen Table Chat. So every week counsellors could come along, check in and just talk. You know, I wanted to create a place for that connection and that community, and I really enjoyed it.

You know, it was great, but in giving all of that, I forgot about myself. Now lockdown wasn't really a break for me. You know, for some people who weren't able to go to work anymore or got furloughed, maybe it was a bit of a break. Maybe they did get a bit bored, but for me, life wasn't any slower. In fact, it was.

It was, it was, I was busier. So counsellors were trying to, you probably remember this very clearly. Counsellors were trying to move their clients online. They were worrying about money, they were worrying about the world just like I was. And I did my best to support people. So I kept going until one day I found myself just sitting, just sitting in silence and staring at nothing, not thinking.

Not moving. And it was almost like, and I remember it really clearly, almost like I didn't want to disturb the air around me. So I don't think it looks like a traditional burnout, but that stillness, that was my nervous system waving a flag, and I still catch myself doing it now and again when I feel overwhelmed.

The difference now is that I recognize it. So it means that I can pause, I can breathe, and I can ask myself what do I need right now? So burning burnout doesn't always look like collapse. You know, sometimes it looks like overgiving, sometimes it looks like stillness. So it's important to recognize how it shows up for you.

So here are a few, few ideas of how it might show up. So, you know, it can be a bit sneaky. It's not always obvious. Let's see if any of these sound familiar to you. Have you ever done this? You finish a session with a client and you end up just sitting there staring into space a little bit like I used to, or maybe you haven't replied to people's messages in days, even though you know that you want connection. Or maybe you are present with clients and you are managing that, but inside for you, everything just feels really flat. Or perhaps you zone out halfway through conversations even with the people that you love.

Even with the people that you normally love to talk with. Maybe you can't remember the last time you did something that felt really enjoyable. You know? When was the last time you really felt joy or happiness? Or maybe you feel a bit like a fraud, you know, encouraging clients to rest while you are burning the candle at both ends.

I think I can recognize myself there as well. Or perhaps you daydream about switching off the phone and just disappearing for a while. What about this? Have you ever side when your phone pings because it feels like it's just one more person who wants something from you? I know I've done that. And maybe you're just tired in a way that sleep really just doesn't touch.

And I think for counsellors, there's that extra level where you feel that you should be coping, and that thought only makes it a whole lot worse. So look, if you've nodded along to any of these, then remember, this isn't about you failing. That's not what's going on here. You are just tired, you are exhausted, and that makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

So before I dive in, let me just say this. I'm gonna just share with you a few, and it is a few, it's only five things. I'm gonna share you these things, and they are definitely not groundbreaking ideas. They're probably ideas that you already know. You're gonna probably roll your eyes and think, oh God, Jane, is that all you've got?

But look, these are just suggestions for how you can take a really , gentle step. Into considering your own needs. So this isn't a to-do list. There's no medal for using these. There's no medal for trying them all. Think of these more like, I dunno, gentle invitations. So you might try one or you might just listen and nod.

Either way it still counts because you are showing up for you. So here are a few ideas. Cancel something, just one thing, you know, just cancel it. It might be that you've planned to meet someone or speak to someone, or you had a task on your to-do list that you thought definitely needed doing, and just cancel it. Just give it a go. Here's another one. Try drinking your tea while it's still hot.

Okay? So make yourself your drink. It's coffee for me, but make yourself a drink and actually sit and drink it and enjoy it. I dunno about you, but how many times do I microwave my cup of coffee? I mean, it's just. It's just constantly, so I really love when I make a nice cup of coffee and then I just sit and I drink it and I might look out of the window or I might read something, but I just have that cup of coffee and then it kind of really hits the, hits the mark, doesn't it?

How about this? Maybe you write just one true sentence. It might just be, I'm tired, or I'm, I need help, or, this is all too much, and it just acknowledges the fact that that's how you're feeling. Something else that you can do that is not gonna be difficult, and that is to move your body in a very kind way.

So it could be that you stretch, I'm doing it right now. Roll your shoulders or just take yourself out for a slow walk. Or if you've got a dog, you could take your dog for a, like a sniffy walk. Dogs love a sniffy walk, so just. Go out. You don't have to charge around just mosey around. Let the dog take the pace and just sniff around and have a good time.

It's gonna make the dog very happy and it's great for you as well. And then another one is, music. The power of music is amazing, isn't it? So how about you play one song that really feels like you and let it really wash over you. Now the chances are you've got some tried and true things that you know work, but you haven't actually been practicing for a while.

So this is your reminder to reintroduce them into your life. Just one thing at a time, one small thing at a time. But those small things, as you know, they will really add up. And I just want to add a little note about this episode. So this episode has been produced using the latest of the framework first blogging method.

It's part of the Grow My Blog System. So Framework First gives counsellors a structure and a support to create warm, meaningful content. Even on the days when words feel hard to find and only nine pounds a month. Yeah, nine pounds a month, it's a no brainer. And the details are all in the show notes, so go and check it out.

I'd love to have you on board. So today we've talked about. What burnout can actually look like for counsellors who are still functioning. We named the subtle signs, you know, the sigh when your phone rings, the, the zoning out, the flatness underneath the work. And I shared how I reached that point myself during lockdown, even though it definitely didn't look like that from the outside.

And we walked through a handful of really small, realistic ways to support yourself. Nothing dramatic, just very gentle steps to help you back to yourself. Because look, if you are feeling burnt out, I want you to know you are not failing at all. Not at all. You just human and you deserve the same care that you offer others.

Now if any of this felt familiar, you know, if you saw yourself in the tiredness and the overgiving and the unread messages, please know that you are definitely not the only one. And if you are feeling a bit stretched thin right now, just remember there is always going to be support out there. And that's exactly why I created the framework first, blogging system because it's a step-by-step system.

Inside Grow my blog that's designed especially for counsellors, it's built to give you structure and encouragement so you can take some of the weight off your shoulders and know that you don't have to figure everything out on your own. So the running on empty framework will be available on the first Monday of October.

It's available on the first Monday of every month. Until then, you can try the MythBuster framework, which is where, yes, you've guessed it. We bust a few myths. and if you want to go find out a little bit more about it, go to jane travis.co uk slash framework first, and I'll put all the details in the show notes.

So look, thank you so much for listening to today's episode of the Grow Your Private Practice Show. If it has resonated with you, please share it with a fellow counsellor who may need a gentle reminder that they're not alone. And if you'd like more support, come and explore. Grow my blog. Which is where framework first is waiting to give you that structure, encouragement, and a way forward.

So until the next time, take one small step of care for yourself because you deserve it. Take care and see you soon.