“Would I Feel Safe With You?” How Clients Really Choose a Counsellor

There's a moment I need to talk to you about today. A moment that happens long before somebody fills in your contact form or books that first call or clicks on your website or clicks on your directory entry, and it's the moment that they imagine sitting in an armchair across from you, whether that's in person or on Zoom.

I want to tell you something that, to be honest, I've really barely said out loud ever, because I think it's gonna make something click for you in a way that changes how you blog, how you show up, and even how you see yourself. So if you've ever worried that you are boring or you're just not enough in some way or somehow the least interesting therapist in the room, then you need to hear this because what I'm going to share today could take the pressure off every single blog post that you write from this moment forward. And honestly, you might never look at your marketing the same again.

Hi, I am Jane Travis, and this is the Grow Your Private Practice Show the podcast for therapists and counsellors who want to get found by the right clients, build confidence, and grow a thriving practice without feeling salesy or overwhelmed.

So let's get into it.

Hello, hello, hello and welcome back and if this is your first time here, it's really great that you've found me. Hope you're having a good day so far. Now, last week I introduced the Armchair Test. If you've not listened to it, go and have a listen to it. It's a quiet, powerful little idea about how clients choose their therapist and how blogging helps them.

Imagine feeling safe with you before they've even said hello. And after that episode went out, a thought kept nagging at me. You know that sort of gentle mental nudge that says, Jane, you haven't told them the whole story yet. So today I'm gonna go a little bit deeper, which isn't particularly like me. I don't usually share a lot of vulnerability here, but today I am going to, because behind the armchair test is something really human and real and something I've only shared actually a handful of times. Now a counsellor said to me recently, and actually this gets said to me quite a lot that, look, I know blogging works. I just don't think I've got anything interesting to talk about.

I just don't think I'm interesting enough. And that sentence hit me right in the gut because for most of my life I've carried that fear too. Now, I don't talk about this much. In fact, I wasn't really aware of it until relatively recently when I started doing the real work on my adoption. But I've always had this quiet, persistent worry that I am, well, that I'm boring.

It feels horrible to say that out loud, so please bear with me. But this feeling that I'm not dramatic enough or not impressive enough, or not funny enough, or not interesting enough, just a little bit too ordinary, just a little bit too easily forgettable, and when you've got a feel like that humming in the background, showing up online can feel like you're standing under the spotlight that you never asked for.

Now, back then, when I was running my counselling practice, that fear made me write very safe. Blogs helpful? Yes. Professional, yes. But I kept myself to myself tucked away behind all of the words. And I rarely, if ever said anything personal. And I kind of blamed it on personal disclosure issues, but that wasn't the whole story.

So one day in a blog post, I almost casually wrote a really short line in a blog, and I basically said I was no stranger to depression. And that's all I've said. I didn't give any details, I didn't share any backstory. I just kind of said the truth, that I was no stranger to depression. And in fact, it didn't really register with me.

You know, I said it, and that was that. But over the next few months. Something strange happened because client after client told me that they chose me because of that sentence. You know, not because of the modalities that I use or the stuff on my CV or my perfectly crafted paragraphs or my, you know, all the workshops and books that I've, I've read and consumed, but that one human line, and the reason for that, well, they said, I thought you'd understand me, and that's when it clicked.

Now, maybe that fear of being boring isn't something that happens for you. Maybe that's not your kind of flavor of wobble, but I'm willing to bet that you've got your own version and your own quiet story that stops you from showing up. So it might sound like. What if I'm not good enough? You know, that heavy sinking feeling that somehow everybody is miles ahead.

Or maybe it's something like somebody's gonna realise I actually don't know what I'm doing. So yeah. Hello? Imposter syndrome. My old friend. Yeah. That's not a stranger to me. Or it could be that you think to yourself, well, who the hell am I to talk about this? Even though you've supported dozens of clients through the exact same thing.

Or maybe it's just simply, what if people judge me? You know that fear of visibility that ties your stomach and knots, you know, we've all got our own version of this, of this. Don't look at me too closely going on. But the truth is, this changed everything for me because clients, well, clients aren't looking for perfect.

They're not looking for like the most interesting counsellor in the world. That's not what it's about. That's not what happens in counselling. They're asking for one thing and what they're asking for is. Would I feel okay sitting in a room with you? Would I feel okay sharing my story with you? And that's it.

That's the Armchair Test. The moment that somebody reads your words and imagines themselves sitting with you and their whole system softens just a little touch, a sense of, yes, you feel safe. Not because what you talk about is hugely polished and professional. Not because you are the most clever person in the world, but because you sound like you are a human being.

Real, reachable, compassionate, warm, sometimes funny. It's that that's the thing that's gonna make a difference. So let me ask you something and really check in with yourself when I say this, how does it feel? To know the pressure isn't about being impressive or being the best, or having the right tone, or the perfect niche, or the most clever blog.

How does it feel to know that you don't have to perform your expertise? You don't have to prove yourself. You just have to let someone recognise themselves in your words, because that's all blogging is. Basically, it's all about connection. It's all about do you feel safe? It's all about humanity, but in a written form.

So here's a little invitation for you this week. What I'd like you to do is just write one blog paragraph where you stop trying to be impressive and you start trying to be real. So just one paragraph. Be honest. Make it simple and make it come from the human you that compassionate and warm you. You know, that kind of paragraph, somebody could read and think, yeah, I think I'd feel okay talking to you because that's the work, that's the magic of marketing and that's the armchair test in action.

Whether or not somebody would feel comfortable telling you their story. Now, if everything I've talked about today feels a little bit close to the bone, or if you've been putting off blogging or overthinking every sentence or worrying that you are too boring or you're not good enough, or you know about to get called out as the imposter that you clearly are, well look, I want to tell you that there is an easier way.

Now I've started this thing called the Framework First Blogging Method, and this is your new best friend because for nine pounds a month, I send you a simple step-by-step blog framework that you can follow. One that helps you to write in a warm human and client connecting way. Without the perfectionism, without the panic, without the, who am I to say this spiral?

Just one clear structure, one solid blog each month, and one less thing weighing on your mind. You write in your own voice. You show up as yourself and you start building those armchair test moments gently and consistently and beautifully. And if that sounds exactly what you need, well you can join via the link I've got in the show notes.

So it's janetravis.co.uk/framework-first. So that's about it. That's what I wanted to talk to you about because it just feels so important to really understand that what marketing is about is letting people see that, yeah, I can, I could trust them. I think I'd feel okay sharing my story and I think I could feel safe with them.

That's literally all it's about, because you're not boring, you are not behind. You're not less than you are a human. And that's the thing that people are desperate to feel when they search for a therapist. So look, keep showing up, keep writing, and someone out there is waiting to read your words. So look, that's it for this week. I really hope that this has just helped make sense of things a little bit more for you, and I would love to hear from you.

I would love for you to tell me. What you'd like me to talk about next, what would help you the most? So just contact me either through social media so I'll put my email details in the show notes, it's jane@janetravis.co.uk. So yeah, have a little word with me. Tell me what you need some help with and I'd love to do that for you. So that's it. I hope you enjoyed that and I really look forward to speaking to you again soon. You take care and bye-bye.