A Time-Saving, Rule-Breaking Guide for Counsellors

Now, today's episode might seem a little bit like it's to do with ironing, but it's not. I'd like to just reassure you, it's actually about the invisible expectations that we can carry, especially in marketing and how ditching something small has actually helped me to see like a really bigger truth.

So if you've ever thought I should be more professional or I shouldn't talk about myself, well this one's for you.

Hi, I am Jane Travis, and this is the Grow Your Private Practice Show the place for counselors who want simple, sustainable marketing that actually works. Now I'm a big believer in blogging as a quiet and powerful way to attract the right clients, and I am so glad that you are here.

Okay, ironing now. Then I used to iron everything.

I didn't know there was any other way. You know, I thought that ironing was just a part of being, I dunno, a put together adult. You want clothes that don't look as though they were dragged outta the dog's bed. Well, in that case, you iron them. But I hated it. I hated it so much. I hated the falter, bursting ironing pile that never seemed to go down. I hated that. The clothes that I loved always needed, especially pressing. I hated the way that when I did do the ironing, everything got squashed when I put it in the wardrobe and still looked absolutely.

You know, rubbish. But the thing that I hated most of all, was the time that it wasted, you know, the ironing before work, the ironing before the school run the ironing in front of the tele on a Sunday with a cheeky glass of wine sometimes to try and trick myself into enjoying it when actually, spoiler alert.

Nothing tricked me into enjoying it. I just didn't enjoy it at all. And there was an added layer to this too, you know, this quiet, creeping feeling that ironing was a woman's job. Now. Yes, I know there's plenty of men out there that do the ironing. Of course they do. And most will be better than I ever was.

But still that expectation. I used to sit quite heavy, and I remember being 16, I had my very first boyfriend, and I can remember this so clearly. He needed a shirt to be ironed. And I said, no, of course. I said no. And my mum was livid and I can remember her kind of hissing at me through gritted teeth that I should do it like it was an honor that I was being allowed to.

Allowed to touch his shirts and there were tears and there were tantrums, and I still didn't iron the bloody shirt. I just was not gonna do it. But even then. I didn't question the bigger expectation. I kept ironing because I just thought that I had to until the day came when I decided that I didn't have to.

So I made a rule. I decided that if something needs ironing. I just won't buy it. And therefore, that's why if you know me, if you've ever seen me, you'll know that I have an unofficial uniform, which is black trousers, a black T-shirt. I kind of call it my greek widow chic, and no ironing is required.

So if you've seen me delivering any training on Zoom, you've probably seen me in my full on greek widow chic. But the point isn't actually that it's about clothes. It's actually about the rules that we follow because we think we are supposed to, you know, I thought that I had to do the ironing.

I thought I would be less of a woman if I didn't, but who cares? You know? I don't wanna waste my time doing something I hate. And when it comes to council and marketing, there are so many of these little, little, little shoulds around, you know, and these are the mentally equivalent of ironing, you know, quiet little shoulds and shouldn't that kind of feel responsible and necessary.

But actually suck your energy and your confidence, and it's not until we take a closer look that we can see what's lurking around there in the twilight. So today I'd like us to just have a little look at some of them and maybe reexamine whether they've come from and whether there's something we need or whether there's something that we can drop.

And the first one I want to look at is this, and that is, “I should sound professional”. And this, it kind of makes me, it boggles my mind a little bit because you know what even is professional, you know, most of the time. When we talk about sounding professional, it's kind of a code for don't be yourself.

Don't be too warm, don't be too casual, don't show your personality, but let's be real here. Being professional doesn't have to mean that you are cold or you are formal. God forbid. You can be thoughtful, you can be clear, you can be credible without sounding like you are back in a lecture theater. Because the thing is, clients don't need you to be polished to perfection. That's not what they're looking for in a counselor. What they want is to know that you human and they want to feel safe with you, and they want to know that you get it, that you understand. It kind of reminds me a little bit of, sorry, I just had to laugh that it kind of reminds me a little bit of how my mom and my grandma both used to answer the phone.

They had a real telephone voice and it just used to make me laugh because it sounded nothing like them, and it reminds me of Mrs. Bookit. If you know, you know, and you know, you can absolutely be grounded and respectful and warm without putting on a voice that isn't yours. So please, you can be professional without that.

And another one is “I should be more consistent because I keep dropping the ball”. And this one actually tends to come with a whole lot of guilt. But the important thing to remember here is that consistency doesn't mean daily. It means repeatable and doable for you. Blogging once a month, brilliant, that's plenty. Social media, two or three times a week on one social media channel is absolutely enough, and look, if blogging is your sticking point, I've got something to help you. It's new. It's the framework First blogging method. It's low cost. It's nine pounds a month, and it's a system that takes away the pressure for you. It's giving you step by step help. You can produce one blog post a month, and no perfectionism is required.

Now you can check it out at janetravis.co.uk/framework-first, or you can go and have a look in the show notes where it'll have all of the details. The thing is, you don't need to be everywhere. You don't need to post every day, and you definitely don't need to batch six months of content while sipping a flat white somewhere and channeling your inner CEO. I don't do that. It's not the way that I work either. So if consistency feels punishing for you, then it's maybe time to redefine it to something that would feel more comfortable. Oh, and I've written two blog posts all about redefining consistency. I'm gonna pop the links in the show notes, so if you want to go and check it out and explore this a little bit more.

Now something else that sometimes comes up is, I shouldn't talk about myself because it's not about me, and just want to say, yeah, I totally get this one. This is especially difficult for counselors because yes, the work is all about your clients, but connection happens through the humanity and that moment of connection. That's the start of the therapeutic alliance. Which we both know is at the heart of the truly effective work that you do. Now you don't need to overshare, but when you start to show a little bit of your personality, and when I say a little bit, I mean it can really be just, just a little bit like I prefer carrot cake to chocolate cake, for example.

Not that everything's about cake in my life. No, no, no. But by sharing just something small about cake, it really helps to build a little bit of trust because you become relatable then not just respectable. And if this is a topic that feels a little bit sticky for you, again, I've got you back. I've got a two part blog series on personal disclosure in marketing for counselors and another one that's all about storytelling in a safe and ethical way.

And I've put those in the show notes for you again, if you want to go and check them out. Now, here's another one. This is all about money. So this is, I shouldn't talk about money because it feels awkward. Now, the truth is that people do need to know what you offer, how you help. And how much it costs. It's really important.

And the problem is not talking about money. It doesn't make you more humble, it makes you more vague. And vague is not something that's gonna help to build that trust. So be clear about your pricing, you know? Your pricing is part of the service that you provide. It's how people know whether you are going to be the right person for them.

It's not being salesy, it's about being supportive. So we have to start getting used to just very matter of fact, talking about the price that we charge and, and here's a good one as well. This is all about, I should know my niche before I do any marketing. So let me just clear this one up with you. Having a niche is powerful.

Having a niche is probably one of the most powerful things that you can do when it comes to marketing because it helps you to focus your message. It helps you to speak directly to the right people, and it helps you to feel more confident in your com in the content you provide. But the thing is, you don't have to wait until you've nailed your niche to start showing up.

You can still blog, you can still write social media posts. You can still connect and you can explore what feels good. In fact, by doing your marketing, that can often really help you to find your niche faster because you'll find that you write about things that you. That you find interesting yourself. So yes, keep working towards that niche.

Keep working towards understanding it, understanding the issues and the problems people have. But look, please don't let the lack of a niche keep you stuck. You are allowed to start where you are. So just get started and here's the last one, and the last one is, I shouldn't swear. Now let's talk about this one with a quick story. I hear this a lot from counselors. You know, they say, I want to sound like myself, but I'm afraid that. A bit of swearing is gonna put people off, but the thing is, sometimes a well-placed swear word says exactly what nothing else can, and nobody proves this better than Becky Upton.

Now, she was a guest here on episode 203 of this podcast, and Becca. Great. She's completely herself. She swears a little, sometimes more than a little, although she doesn't actually swear on the podcast. 'cause I don't, I don't have swearing on this podcast, but she's direct, she's warm. And her counseling clients, they love her for it.

They don't feel like they've got to be on their best behavior. They know that Becca's going to just accept them for who they are. And it's not about being brash, it's about being real, being someone that your people can feel. Now I'll share the episode in the show notes so you can check it out. It's, it's been one of my most popular recent posts, so I do recommend you go and have a little, have a little listen. So here's your permission slip. I'd like you to ditch the shoulds, and I'd love you to reject the shouldn't. And if it feels like emotional ironing, I want you to crump it up and throw it in the metaphorical laundry basket.

Because you get to make your own rules now. So, a quick reminder, if blogging feels like one of your shoulds and you'd like a low pressure way to get your blogging done regularly, check out the framework first blogging method at janetravis.co.uk/framework-first and you get one blog a month, step-by-step help.

No overwhelm, and it's only nine pounds a month. So that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening, and if this episode has helped you to breathe a little bit easier, please, please send it to a friend who's still silently ironing all their mental laundry. Right, I'm gonna stop it with the whole laundry thing now. So, yeah, that's it for me today.

All that's left to say is look, I hope you have a fabulous rest of the week and I look forward to speaking to you again soon. You take care. Bye-bye.